it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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