There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
