I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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