My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
