I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Randomize
