If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
