thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
