Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
