I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Can you bring me the toilet please
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
