Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
