I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
