I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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