Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
