Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
