like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
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