I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
