is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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