There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
