We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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