oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
