It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
