Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
