Cold hands, warm shart.
I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
