I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
