don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
