her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
