It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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