benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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