Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
