how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
