No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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