remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
