Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
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