2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
