Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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