I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
