she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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