Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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