So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize