the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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