If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
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