she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
The air was thick with penises
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize