dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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