My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
