you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
