My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Randomize
