You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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