i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
