i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
