I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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