Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize