I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
