Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
