I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Boobs speak an international language.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
