I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
