My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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