u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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