what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
