U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
4 words: hood of his car
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
