I like my sex mixed with concussions.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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