i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
