ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
