bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
