I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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