she was so not down for the gang bang
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
