does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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