Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
