I think I died a long time ago.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
