Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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