So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Sorry about my life...
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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