Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Randomize
